Silence is loud

Silence is LOUD' 07/04/2009In a quiet building, in my little room, with no noise to wrestle me.
I sit in sadness as I wait for the stillness to be free.
Its crazy though how quietness can really tear you down,
because it makes the thoughts and words grow softer all around.
And then you're left with you alone to deal with everything,
of pain, of hurt, of emptiness, of missing family.
You deal with all the memories you try so hard to loose,
of being hurt and immature of all your donts and do's.
You bear with silence in your tears and sounds of ticks and tocks
as you sit amgonst your naked couch and feel your body rock.
You deal with hatred boiling and everything in between,
of times you wished you weren't so dumb and blindness could be seen.
And most of all you deal with...suffocating from this grasp,
that silence builds and stillness fills as it lasts and lasts and lasts.
And out the window of your room, life seems to act the same,
like "peace be still" and "love is real" and Angies just "insane"
No crickets heard, no doors are slammed just me, myself and I,
wishing change did not and family did, stay ever sweetly by.
How change continues is ironic for it seems its constantly,
revolving, removing, reillistrating my life for all to see.
The wisphers begged to be heard from families in my past,t
o keep my silence dead and gone and joy that seems to last.
Voices heard once everyday are miles and days apart,
while life right here in my small room cuts deeper in my heart.
For granted it will never be how once the noise proclaimed,
rants and raves, fights galore and sisters with "A" names.
My sweet lil sisters oh how I miss, the shouts that always spilled,
cuz now my tears are in its place and it constantly will build.
Along with God you helped me heal to get back on my feet,
with laughs and jokes of life itself, and our memories to repeat.
And now i "think" the loudly voices try hard to come to life
but when i blink and stare beside, i know my sight aint right.
Its empty... my room I mean, I imagined it was full,
so silence plays its tricks on me because its quietly cruel.
But in my hand there stands a phone that rings so very low,
and then "Hello, hey sis whats up, we miss you very so."
and for a minute noise comes back and brightens up my day
because those girls i hold so close in every single way.
And in my room, I sit and sit and listen one by one,
to Ashley talk, and Audrey laugh, and Alanna having fun.
But times won't stop and phones dont wait for me to be suffice,
it works its way so easily for me to pay the price.
And bye's do come and clicks are heard, as I wrestle with my phone,
and wait for noise to leave my place and silence to condone.
And then my phone just startles me as message just appears,.............
"SIS WE LOVE AND MISS YOU GIRL, BE STRONG FOR US MY DEAR"

MY FACE

before any one reads this just know that this poem was written last year and that it was my way of getting through things. Any negative opinions or comments that are felt is therefore kept to yourself because this is my page and this is what I wanted to express on my facebook.. any positve comments please fel free to share.. just know that God is working through me and in me.. Love ya..M FACE: 01/06/2009"Here I am, humbled by the love that you give, forgiven so that I CAN "forgive"I am HUMAN... I have natural instincts... I have natural reflexes and I have natural abilities.Most importantly...I have SIN...cold-blooded fleshly sin that has a mind of its own.I am also saved...I have Christ and his unconditional and irreplaceable love for me.I have his life in my heart. I have his forgiveness... His undefying, self-sacrificial forgiveness that erases all my debt. He gave me that power to forgive others though. He gave me the responsibility to forgive others.I sit here and am amazed that i dont know how to handle it. Its just be one or actually two people.Its not suppse to be a big deal Right? I mean Christ forgave all-and all is definitly more than one or two.How'd he do it? How did his facial expression convince us that he was serious.My face fails me. Do I need a new one? one that obviously backs up the words "I forgive you"in an attempt to make you believe me. How easy life would be if we all wore paper bags over our head.I could forgive and get away with it. I make forgiveness sound like a sin. Well the way I forgive must be.It doesnt convince even me. Its all a lie. My face betrays my word of mouth. What Am i suppose to do? No matter which way i turn-it ends up being all wrong. I could just not say it at all cause i know I dontmean it or I could say it and hope it kicks in sooner than later. But still my face-it gives me away.What should I do with each significant part of me that reacts to mess I'm entitled to forgive.What do i do with the pain and hatred stuck in my throat...?Swallow it in bitterness or release it in gossip, slander, and anger.What do i do with my quivering mouth...?frown in a remorse pool of tears or smile in suffering as though my lips will be scarred for life.What does my nose do when it flairs up in rage...?Inhale the poisen of that trecherous situation till I suffocate, or exhale the toxic of dissapointment and revenge.What do I do with my ears that distinctively recognize the laughter and love of the individuals behavior...?ignore them in paranoia in a failed attempt, or suffer alone as my ears try to find coverings thick enough to escape their present voices.What does my eyes so aware of any particular movement do when engulfed with scenes of happiness in exchange for mine?close them blindly as i walk around in self pity or bear the burning tingly evidence of my struggleto get past another minute as i roll them around.What role does my mind play as it rewinds uncontrollably the insanity and murder of my heart..?Think it out in anxiety, or reherse the steps to forget every chance I remember endlessly. My face BETRAYS ME.... It DECEIVES ME. I cannot run. I'm stuck... I'm Trapped.MY face has already recognized the situation. When I do run, that face will still be there.I am stuck with this face.I cannot run from this face. Jesus knew how; he knew what to say.He gave me amazing powers to react after his model. But my face was not there when his face did it.I know the act to follow but am blinded to his reaction.I am human... I have sin... I have Christ.. and I have his love.He forgave all.. He gave me the responsibility to forgive others.And these two-are nothing compared to the amount christ has. and still... I am HUMAN and I am lost.I am weak and he is strong.HOW DOES MY FACE FORGIVE?

a girl 2 a guy

When taking first steps as a baby
Who knew you were walking towards me.
Who knew that the God up in heaven
Created this moment to be.
It’s amazing the Love that I feel,
The kind God created his way.
How he allowed it to be expressed
Each and every day.
When your near my heart starts to flutter,
When your not, it does it then too.
It’s a miniature version of evidence
Of how much I love you.
When you look at me my heart starts to melt
Like a candle lit with a fire,
God said that he would and he did,
Grant me my heart’s desire.
I know that you cannot be perfect,
I know that there’s faults in you too,
But today is my day to proclaim
What I love so much about you.I
know that your love is unique,
Like a type dedicated to me.
It’s reserved, restricted off limits,
Like God… wants it to be.
Side by side we will through this life,
In your hand there mine will lay
I adore the fact we’ve made it
And that our memories start today.
Your love does not keep me waiting
To see what’s in it for you,
Its selfless and very considerate
And very heartwarming too.
I glad that this day God has granted
and he gave me the man that I needT
hat finally in this big moment
We following our fathers lead
I love that I’m now “Mrs. Thomas”
I love how it really sounds
I love that I love how I love it
Like a queen receiving her crown
I love the ring on my finger
What it represents especially
That I am yours and you are mine
And that you love all of me.
So here’s to you and me
May God bless us through and through
To Mr. Thomas from Mrs. Thomas
Forever I’LL LOVE YOU!!!

Charmions Wedding

TRUE LOVE
To the
world LOVE means a lot of things,
Translation….what you can get.
It’s a
gamble, a game, a lucky chance,
Of winning a selfish bet.
It fails,
destroys, dehumanizes,
Each time it comes to an end.
Because the LOVE
that seems to be exchanged,
lacks Jesus Christ within.

But on
this special day,
April 18th YES INDEED,
The LOVE of Christ is
exemplified
for all of us to see.

Together they will continue
to
Believe, bear, and endure.
The trials, the joys, the
situations,
That will come for sure.
As their eyes lock, their hands
join,
And God’s holding them in place,
The true love that never
fails
Will show it miraculous face.

As kindness will walk down
the aisle,
God’s plan is being done.
His work, his will his idea,
to
unite two into ONE.
As patience wills to take the hand
Of the beautiful
wife to be,
We all will stand in awe of
the LOVE that we will
see.

As humbleness exchanges the rings,
And the vows before God
are said.
Tears fall, smiles glow, and whispers scatter
as the bride and
groom do wed.
As nobleness repeats “I do”
And both hearts just skip a
beat.
We will all be dancing, singing, praising,
Silently in our
seats.

As God’s perfect union,
removes the veil from the
brides face,
God’s doing is almost complete
When one action takes its
place.
And as forever places one small kiss
On the lips of the one he
loves
Gods blessing and more will he shine down
From his mansion up
above.

And as the words “I now pronounce”
Are said for all to
hear
The beginning of God’s precious gift
Draws ever sweetly near
And
when they turn to face the crowd
Together do they stand
To show the world
that God is love
And that Love is in his hands.

And for the
first time man and wife
walk down their sacred aisle
and as they pass we
all will stand
and give our biggest smile
And as this man looks at his
wife
he knows its all God’s love
for all God’s work is specifically
wrapped
from him from up above.

Mothers Day 2007

As we take out time to celebrate our mother’s love and care,
We remember on this day, the great gift that they all share.
There’s no kind of love like mothers, one we all know is true,
They’re a vital part of us, and we cherish that part too.

A mother is a blessing, a challenge all the same,
They provide, protect and comfort us, and do it with no shame.
We thank you for the voice you gave, the smiles on our face,
Today you get the chance as well to smile in this place.

We thank you for your love, your gentle spirit yes indeed,
It helps to calm us down, when we’re anxious or in need.
We thank you for the laughter, all the times we get to share,
All the crying, all the sorrow, and the moments of despair.

We thank you for correction that turned the wrong into the right,
For the actions that you took on us, the whoopins in the night.
We thank you that in everything GOD was your only reason,
At different times, and different days he’s the same throughout the season.

When I think of mothers love, I think how dedicated she is,
Even through the slippery slopes God used her as his.
When I think of my mother, and her warm and loving touch,
She reminds me of how God’s love is even twice as much.

Like a bear to its cubs who protects them from all danger,
Mothers guide, direct and shelter us from those who may be strangers.
When I think of mothers love, her compassion all for me,
This woman is a blessing for everyone to see.

So this day we give you thanks and express it in this way.
To each loving caring mother here, “HAPPY MOTHERS DAY.”

PURE IT TEEEE

My life is a testimony, an open book for all to see;
but some things aren’t so noticeable, things like my PURITY.
Yes I made some bad decisions, paying for them day by day;
But I decided to live the rest of my life, in God, my father’s way.
PURITY is so deep, yeah so silent and so true;
It’s a battle I will face, till the day I say I DO.
No smoking and no drinking are some, yes cussing too;
There the easy things in life, I committed not to do.
But importantly, oh importantly, I vow to staying pure;
Pure from sex till I am married, cause my body is so dear.
Dear to me, yeah so dear to just give it all away;
To a man that says they love me on any given day.
God’s the one who holds my heart, deep in the palm of his hand;
So I will not just give it up, to any worthless man.
God wants me to keep it close, like a special gift indeed;
for the person that he has picked out; a person just for me.
My PURITY is valuable, my PURITY is me;
No more will I give it out to the next man I see.
My PURITY is special, My PURITY is me;
It’s the one thing my husband gets now, like the Lord wanted it to be

YOU WON’T WIN

The revolving door of PAIN seems like it never ever ends
Never gives up, never gives in, never makes any amends.
It’s a cycle that will constantly show its ugly face,
To make sure I’m always suffering in any time or place.
It’s a murderer, a killer, a thief that’s in the night
Waiting in haste to rob me as though it is their right.
It’s killing me, its burning me; I’m dying day by day
because PAIN is like a sharp knife, chopping my soul away.
Don’t touch me, DON’T LOOK, its contagious can’t you see,
It’s a virus, a disease that lingers more towards me.
It makes me blind; I cannot see when it all will be over,
It’s like a drunk who always drinks and’s never ever sober.
It makes me limp; I cannot move or run away from it,I
nstead I sit while PAIN just laughs and enjoys every bit.
It enjoys it…the PAIN I mean, like it wants more and more,
Of tears to come, of shouts to burst, of me to not endure.
But PAIN it doesn’t know so much of God my heavenly FATHER,
Whose son HE sent, of Christ HE gave, or else PAIN wouldn’t bother.
PAIN was met so long ago by HE who died for me
So all this cycle of breaking me is “lost” for all to see.
You’re not gon break me, it’s not gon work cause HE’S grabbing me so tight
To show me that my future’s fine and right now it’ll be allright.
HE has a hold, its tight you see, I can’t even slip or fall;
HE’S tearing away all the hurt every time his name I call.
I see HIM, I feel HIM, and YES my PAIN’S still there
But it won’t get one foot of joy my FATHER wouldn’t dare.
So PAIN you try to break me down but remember GOD HAS ME;
Go battle, fight, war with HIM, HE’S got my VICTORY